


I'm Not Giving Up (I'm Just Giving In)

by agirlnamedtruth



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Arthur-centric, Canonical Character Death, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Music, M/M, Songfic, Suicide Attempt, Waiting for Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-28
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-17 08:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1380739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agirlnamedtruth/pseuds/agirlnamedtruth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur waits while Merlin waits for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Giving Up (I'm Just Giving In)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [unbidden_truth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbidden_truth/gifts).



> I think I accidentally wrote poetry? I didn't mean to if I did.
> 
> Anyway, this was for the Merlin Writer's Songfic month and I claimed [Never Let Me Go](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zMBTvuUlm98) by Florence and The Machine.

 

 

Looking up from underneath  
Fractured moonlight on the sea  
Reflections still look the same to me  
As before I went under

 

Merlin thinks he wasn’t in time.  
He thinks the last words Arthur heard were; _"stay with me"_.  
Merlin didn’t realise he did.  
Stay with him.  
Simply slipping through their world into another.  
Into the place Merlin had promised to take him.  
The place that had promised to save him.  
But he still heard him.  
He still felt him try.  
He couldn’t lose him, he was his friend.  
It was the same on his side.  
But they didn’t ask him if he wanted to wait.  


And it's peaceful in the deep  
Cathedral where you cannot breathe  
No need to pray, no need to speak  
Now I am under all

 

Merlin let him go.  
His body at least.  
Avalon took his body to return it to his soul.  
He’s kept like a King  
Half sleeping, half awoken, all of him waiting and seeing.  
Their magic was different.  
It kept him there, bound, healing, under the water of the world.  
But it gave him the world too.  
He would see everything.  
In time.

  
  
Though the pressure's hard to take  
It's the only way I can escape  
It seems a heavy choice to make  
And now I am under all

 

He saw every fight Merlin had fought for him.  
Every sacrifice Merlin had made for him.  
He can’t explain himself.  
Or say he’s sorry.  
But every so often it would come back around;  
_“ Everything you've done. I know now.”_  
He thought he’d known it all.  
At least he’d said it once;  
_“Thank you.”_  
Arthur closed his eyes against it.  
It was too much.  
He couldn’t see it again.  
But without it, all he had was waiting.  


And it's breaking over me  
A thousand miles down to the sea bed  
Found the place to rest my head

 

 

Merlin didn’t let him go.  
He kept going, he kept waiting.  
Arthur could see him.  
Watch him.  
Pretend they were waiting together.  
Pretend they were alive together.  
Pretend they had a life together.  


And the arms of the ocean are carrying me  
And all this devotion was rushing out of me  
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me  
But the arms of the ocean delivered me

 

The years went by.  
Even though Arthur couldn’t feel them.  
He could see them take their toll on Merlin.  
Sometime Merlin would dream that he’d gotten in the boat.  
Sailed to Avalon with him.  
Only he didn’t know that’s where they were going.  
He just thought they were going...  
He was still waiting but it had been so long.  
He’d spent so long devoted to his destiny.  
To him.  
Because he never could let him go.

  
  
And it's over  
And I'm going under  
But I'm not giving up  
I'm just giving in

Once, when it had been too long,  
Merlin walked into the lake.  
Arthur could feel him.  
For a second, he thought he was going back  
But Merlin was coming to him.  
He couldn’t wait for him anymore.

  
I'm slipping underneath  
So cold and so sweet

 

Arthur wanted to let him  
Give up waiting, give up everything  
But all he saw of the future became blinkered  
And faded out with Merlin  
And he realised, the boat had only just passed out of sight  
And it was already too long for Merlin  
But Arthur needed him to wait a little bit longer  
Be a little bit stronger  
Do what Arthur couldn’t.  
Live.  
  


And the arms of the ocean so sweet and so cold  
And all this devotion I never knew at all  
In the crushes of heaven for a sinner released  
And the arms of the ocean delivered me  


Merlin washed back up on the shore.  
And Arthur could breathe again.  
He felt the water in his lungs.  
He felt the weight of it above him.  
He felt Merlin, waiting for him.  
He washed up on the same shore Merlin had,  
Forever ago.

Never let me go.

 

_“Because I will return.”_

**Author's Note:**

> As of 01/01/18, I'm opting to disable comments. [More information here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13077201).


End file.
